Starting over

The last post I wrote was almost 7 months ago. In the time between then and now, life has changed in a hundred ways. Shortly after that post I decided to leave D. I don’t want to dwell on the subject long because I’ve moved on in leaps and bounds. I simply could no longer justify keeping myself and my kids in an extremely dysfunctional and detrimental situation. End of story.

With the help of a few friends and family, I packed up our belongings and got a place for myself and the kids in one of my favorite places on earth. I lived in this town for years with my mom and I have always wanted to come back. The historic downtown area is so breathtakingly quaint and beautiful. The kind of town where you can walk through the streets and meander through shops and cafe’s for hours. I am so unbelievably happy here!

One of the biggest accomplishments for me throughout all this has been the decision to finally go back to school. I am currently in my second semester of the Interior Design program at Seminole State College and I can say without a doubt that this is the field I belong in. School has been exciting, stressful, extremely exhausting, but I love what I’m doing. And that feels amazing!

A huge step for me: I am seeing a wonderful man. He is kind, funny, thoughtful and smart! The ways in which he treats me are some of which I have never experienced in my life and I am very thankful for finding him. I am undoubtedly taking things slooooow, but I can say with all honesty that I am the happiest I have ever been.

I have completely redone my blog. I have changed the layout, deleted posts, and pictures. It no longer felt like my space to come to. It was a bit like walking into an old apartment that you know you’d never want to live in again. So, a little revamp was in order and I love the new look. I feel like even my design-creativeness has grown and changed and this blog better reflects that now.

I hope to write more often. I know that sometimes it will be impossible when homework demands my attention till sometimes early morning hours, but I always miss writing when it’s not part of my existence and it feels wonderful to write something!

So, here’s to taking a different path when the one you’re on isn’t working anymore. To accomplishing goals that have sat on the shelf for years. And to finding happiness, no matter where you are in the process.

In the dark

I am sitting in our dark office space, with only a small splash of light coming from this laptop. It’s past my bedtime and I know I’m going to regret staying up, as I always do when the kids wake up much earlier than I’m ready to,  and coffee is the only thing that seems to redeem my morning.

I can only barely make out the mess of paperwork that’s cluttering my desk and begging to be put away, but I’m not too worried about that right now.  My mind is bogged down with other things. Things that are hard to clarify with words on a screen.  I can sum it up with words like “financial problems”, “marital problems”, “parenting challenges”, but it runs deeper than that. It always does.

I feel like I am at a crossroads right now. Like decisions need to be made on which direction I should take before I can go any further. I’m trying to figure out what’s best for myself and my family and what I need to do make our future feel more secure and happy and less like I’m trapped in by situational circumstances.

I am very much in the dark. And I need a light bulb.